I am back at it. I was committed to blogging every month. I was consistent through November. December was a doozey of a month, with a brick on the head wake up call. I know I have been putting it off, because I am not sure what to share. I decided I just need to start. I went back and looked at my journal. I was feeling a lot of stress the past few months. I was agitated much of the time and not sleeping well. I just kept pushing to get things done. What I needed to do was stop and slow down. A part of me feels accomplished by getting so much done. I also felt resentful about having to do so much. Back to my brick on the head wake up call. My son Tom and I were driving to church on a beautiful Sunday December morning. I dropped off homemade sourdough bagels at my friend’s house. We were driving down her street at 25 mph when a kid pulled out of the Walgreen’s parking lot and hit us. The car spun around, the air bags blew and I was yelling the whole time. Apparently, that is how I respond in a crisis. We were fine, no one was hurt but my beautiful Honda CRV, was totaled. So, so Sad. I loved that car!

I thought I was handling the accident well. I was grateful that no one was hurt. At the same time, I felt like crying. I was so sad about my car. Christmas Eve was the topper. We went to my niece’s house for Christmas Eve dinner. We got home that night, and around 10 pm, I was having a nose bleed. I got it to stop. I went to bed and woke up at 1 am with blood on the sheets and my nose was bleeding again. This time, I couldn’t get it to stop. I was starting to panic. Dan, my husband googled how to stop a nosebleed and we decided I better go to the Emergency Room. Dan went upstairs to get Thomas, our special needs son, up. I was laying on the couch in the den. I decided to get up and I went by the front door. I was starting to pass out. I could feel the right side of my face and neck tightening up. I am thinking I am having a stroke. I started yelling call 911, I’m having a stroke. I managed to get myself back on the couch. I felt much better. Meanwhile, our neighbor who is an EMT is at my door. 2 Little Silver police officers, a Little Silver ambulance and the paramedics showed up. They checked my vitals, and they made me smile to see if both sides of my mouth went up. I wasn’t having a stroke just a full blown panic attack. In the middle of all this, my nosebleed stopped. I haven’t had one since.

The incident reminded me that I need to slow down and refocus on taking really good care of myself. I am doing Wim Hoff breathing and meditating daily. I take a cold bath or shower 3-4 times a week. I put myself in therapy. I am feeling better. I notice when I start feeling agitated and I do my best to stop. I also bought a new car which I love. It took about a month to find. It is a beautiful black 2021 Acura RDX with 26,000 miles on it. We bought it off the auction which was very exciting. I joined the car wash club. I am taking great care of myself and my car. It feels important.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Mary